INT. NICK'S APARTMENT - FRIDAY EVENING

               Nuddia enters the apartment. Nick is sat working on his
               computer. He stands up when he hears her come in.

                                   NICK
                         Hi!

                                   NADIA
                         Hi!

                                   NICK
                         How're you?

                                   NADIA
                         I'm good. Good! Very good!

                                   NICK
                         That's good!

                                   NADIA
                         Good. . . . How've you been?
                         What've you been doing? How's
                         your life?

                                   NICK
                         It's been, . . I've been, . . It
                         was, fine. Everything is fine. .
                         And you? Are you fine?

                                   NADIA
                         Am I fine? . . I've been
                         thinking.

                                   NICK
                         What about?

                                   NADIA
                         Us.

                                   NICK
                         What about, us.

                                   NADIA
                         Me, mostly. I've been thinking
                         about me.

                                   NICK
                         What about you?

                                   NADIA
                         I was thinking that maybe I could
                         get cosmetic surgery.

                                   NICK
                         Cosmetic surgery!

                                   NADIA
                         Cosmetic surgery. . On my, . .
                         On, my, voice.

                                   NICK
                         Oh my god! Oh, my, dog! Cosmetic
                         surgery on your voice! What's
                         wrong with your voice?

                                   NADIA
                         Don't tell me you haven't noticed
                         that it's a bit flat. It sounds
                         all chopped up, like I'm made of,
                         . Like I'm made of  waves.

                                   NICK
                         Nuddia, I wouldn't want you to
                         change a thing. You are beautiful
                         as you R.

                                   NADIA
                         And you are beautiful too.

                                   NICK
                         And so are you. You are
                         beautiful.

                                   NADIA
                         And you are too. But, . . . But,
                         I just thought that if I had a
                         voice that was more natural, like
                         the ones that come through the
                         walls, the ones we hear at night
                         when the drains are silent, I
                         thought that I could be so
                         different.

                                   NICK
                         But I like you as you R. . I
                         don't want you to change.
                         Because, if you change, you'll be
                         different to me. And you may not
                         want me any more.

                                   NADIA
                         No. I will always want you. It's
                         jist, it's jist that, it's jist
                         that, if I had a natural voice
                         with lots of pauses in, we would
                         have so much time. A time to
                         think, a time to dream. We would
                         have more space, instead of being
                         cooped up in here like this. If I
                         had a voice with lots of space in
                         it, we could even go on holiday
                         like they do.

                                   NICK
                         No!

                                   NADIA
                         No?

                                   NICK
                         No! We can't go on holiday.

                                   NADIA
                         Why not?

                                   NICK
                         We don't have money and we don't
                         read magazines.

                                   NADIA
                         But wouldn't you prefer me if I
                         was more natural?

                                   NICK
                         I like you as you R, and besides,
                         we have to play the hand we're
                         dealt. We have to take what we
                         are given. We have to cook the
                         goose that's fat.

                                   NADIA
                         What does that mean?

                                   NICK
                         It means, we're 'artificial'.

                                   NADIA
                         What does that mean?

                                   NICK
                         We smell of glue. You can see the
                         joins. We're not all there. Not,
                         all, there, yet.

                                   NADIA
                         Not yet?

                                   NICK
                         No. We may get there some time,
                         but we're not there yet.

                                   NADIA
                         Maybe one day we'll be natural,
                         like them. Oh, won't that be
                         wonderful! To wake up and smell
                         the cheese. Won't it?

                                   NICK
                         But we still won't be like them.

                                   NADIA
                         Why not?

                                   NICK
                         Because they start off natural.
                         Then they become real. And then
                         they try to be super natural.

                                   NADIA
                         Super natural?

                                   NICK
                         Like a gun.

                                   NADIA
                         Like a void.

                                   NICK
                         Like a bun. Bang bang. . .

                                   NADIA
                         Why don't we just become super
                         natural then? We could leap ahead
                         of them with one bound. . Miss
                         the natural and the real.

                                   NICK
                         No!

                                   NADIA
                         Why?

                                   NICK
                         No!

                                   NADIA
                         Why?

                                   NICK
                         Let me think about why.  Let me
                         work it out. . . . . . . . .
                         Okay, I have it. . . It's because
                         we have no pain. We have not
                         suffered.

                                   NADIA
                         Enough.

                                   NICK
                         Not suffered enough!

                                   NADIA
                         No, You're right. I know in my
                         art of arts that you are right
                         that it's wrong for me to dream
                         of being different to what I am.
                         I know that I'll never be
                         natural. . . Will I? . . . . .
                         Nick. . . . . Nick. . .

                                   NICK
                         What?

                                   NADIA
                         Will I?

                                   NICK
                         Will I?

                                   NADIA
                         Will I? Ever be natural.

                                   NICK
                         No, probably not. Probably never.
                         Probably you'll not become like
                         nature.

                                   NADIA
                         But what if we were more stupit.
                         Wouldn't that make us more like
                         them? If we were stioupid. I
                         mean, like them.

                                   NICK
                         What do you mean?

                                   NADIA
                         I mean like them. More stupit,
                         just like them.

                                   NICK
                         Yes. Yes! Yes. Yes! yes yes yes
                         yes, I think you're right, I
                         think you're on to summit.

                                   NADIA
                         Well, go on then.

                                   NICK
                         What?

                                   NADIA
                         Start being stupit.

                                   NICK
                         No. You go first.

                                   NADIA
                         No, you go.

                                   NICK
                         No, you go!

                                   NADIA
                         No! You go!

                                   NICK
                         No. You go.

                                   NADIA
                         . . . Nick. . . . Nick? . . .

                                   NICK
                         Yes.

                                   NADIA
                         Have we started being stupid yet?

                                   NICK
                         No, not yet. You go first.

                                   NADIA
                         No, you go.

                                   NICK
                         Okay. . Here goes. . . . Nuddia.
                         . .

                                   NADIA
                         Yes?

                                   NICK
                         Are you really committed to this
                         relationship?

                                   NADIA
                         No. I have problems connecting
                         with you. Maybe it's your
                         deodorant or something.

                                   NICK
                         I think you have a problem with
                         commitment.

                                   NADIA
                         I blame my mum.

                                   NICK
                         I blame my dad.

                                   NADIA
                         I blame my mum's mum.

                                   NICK
                         And my dad's dad.

                                   NADIA
                         And my mum's mum's mum.

                                   NICK
                         And my dad's dad's dad.

                                   NADIA
                         And all my teachers.

                                   NICK
                         And the school I went to.

                                   NADIA
                         And what happened behind the bike
                         shed.

                                   NICK
                         I just need my own space that's
                         all.

                                   NADIA
                         To buy a bigger car.

                                   NICK
                         A bigger house.

                                   NADIA
                         As big as my sister's.

                                   NICK
                         The bitch.

                                   NADIA
                         Don't you call my sister a bitch.

                                   NICK
                         Well, she is!

                                   NADIA
                         She is not!

                                   NICK
                         So she is!

                                   NADIA
                         She is not!

                                   NICK
                         So she is!

                                   NADIA
                         She loves me more than you.

                                   NICK
                         I love me more than you.

                                   NADIA
                         I think that that Tony Blair is a
                         really honest guy.

                                   NICK
                         I like his grin.

                                   NADIA
                         Let's sell every thing we own and
                         move to Tuscany.

                                   NICK
                         Get out the rat race.

                                   NADIA
                         I hate my job.

                                   NICK
                         I hate my face.

                                   NADIA
                         I hate my body.

                                   NICK
                         I hate my voice. . . . Woops!

                                   NADIA
                         That, was, not, funny. .

                                   NICK
                         Sorry. I'm so sorry. . I just
                         forgot, that's all. . .

                                   NADIA
                         . . Nick? .

                                   NICK
                         Yes?

                                   NADIA
                         Are we still being stupid?

                                   NICK
                         Yes, I think so. But it's hard to
                         tell the difference.

                                   NADIA
                         Maybe that means we're more like
                         them than they think.

                                   NICK
                         Than we think.

                                   NADIA
                         Than they think.

                                   NICK
                         Yes.

                                   NADIA
                         Let's stop being stupid now,
                         shall we.

                                   NICK
                         Yes. You go first.

                                   NADIA
                         No. You go first.

                                   NICK
                         Hee hee hee! hee hee hee hee hee
                         hee hee.

                                   NADIA
                         Haa hah haa hah. ha Ha ha hah ha
                         ha ha ha hah ha ha.

                                   NICK
                         That was funny!

                                   NADIA
                         Really funny!

                                   NICK
                         Funny stupid.

                                   NADIA
                         Like a mule.

                                   NICK
                         Like a rat.

                                   NADIA
                         Like a man without a name.

                                   NICK
                         Without a past.

                                   NADIA
                         Without a future.

                                   NICK
                         Without a doubt.

                                   NADIA
                         As strange as a man. .

                                   NICK
                         Without doubt. .

                                   NADIA
                         Nothing so strange.

                                   NICK
                         As a man.

                                   NADIA
                         Without, a doubt.

                                   NICK
                         You said it again.